Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
