So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
