Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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