you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
