come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
