Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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