Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
organizing the empties. That sober.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
