had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
