there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
