I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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