Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
