I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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