Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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