bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize