dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
