She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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