You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
