i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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