she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
