did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
