He passed out mid-signature
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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