OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
