There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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