Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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