but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
