I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize