we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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