also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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