Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
