but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Mom said you looked used
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
