listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
