now i know why i became what i already was.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
