Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
