walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
40s are totally the cure
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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