I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
