There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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