Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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