Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
