The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
