So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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