So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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