I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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