pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
