Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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