I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
