He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
