pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
