If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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