I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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