NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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