Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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