guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
