PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
