I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
