The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
