So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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