I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
