No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
