There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
