Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
