he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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