Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
