i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
