He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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