omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
