I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
