He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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