I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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