Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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