I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
