i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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