Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
