You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she looked like the before picture.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
