2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
