you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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